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Thursday, August 5, 2010

I have a confession to make...
I haven't posted since the start of Memorial Day weekend...a post stating my holiday weekend plans...starting with the Sex in the City  movie and ending with watching the Memorial Day parade on Monday... None of it ever materialized except for seeing Sex in the City 2 and then on Saturday morning we had one last fight which changed my life for ever. I left my husband after 23 years of marriage.

I had posted my plans, hoping that if I planned and wrote it all down as I wanted it to happen then it would materialize. More often than not, my weekend is gone without really doing much of anything... As a matter of fact, we have been in a survival mode for the past several years. Our family has endured a lot of stress over the past 7 or 8 years...the collapse of my husband's business, a horrific accident involving my 14 year olds hand when he was 9,which caused much conflict between my husband and I involving a lawsuit, much financial stress and the slow death of our once solid marriage.There has been no abuse or infedelity on either side, just two people who fell in love young at 19 and 24 years old... We have been in counseling for years, for both our marriage and individual therapy to try to get our lives back on track.

With my husband out of work for the past three years and my return to work full time,our daughter in college and 2 teen boys who will be going just around the corner, the stress level has been sky high to say the least. Our communication skills with each each other have never stellar but during these times of stress things had gotten so bad that we were avoiding each other in order to avoid conflict. Our home was no longer the happy safe haven it had once been and for years now I have grieving the loss of the marriage and man I once knew. I was constantly thinking that I could stick it out until my youngest child was out of high school which would be 4 more years.

I found myself feeling hopeless for our future and felt as though my husband was drowning and pulling me and my children under with him, and knew if I didn't do something....nothing was going to change. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done even though I am sure I have made the right decision.

I am a mixed bag of emotions....I feel strong and empowered, and that I am being true to myself for the first time in a long time....but at the same time scared loney, relieved, happy sad, and confused about how I ended up here... Mostly heartbroken for my children who are adjusting the best that they can with the help of a wonderful family and child therapist.

I felt before I could go on writing on my blog....I needed to let you all know. The focus of my blog before was all positive posts and posting favorites etsy products, websites or cool videos...I hadn't posted much about my life or family because I was going through such a difficult time. My blog was my escape. It will still be positive because I am generally not a negative person...but I'm sure I will be sharing a little more about my life since this is such a major change for me.

I've decided to change the name of my blog to...
Clean Slate
I'm starting a new chapter in the book of life, and I know its not going to be easy...I can use all the support I can get so please feel free to give me advice or encouragement if you have been through sonething similar! Thanks and have a great day!

Please follow me at my new web address


  1. I am happy to have you back and i am so sorry that you are going through a difficult time. I would check your blog occasionally to see if you posted anything.I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and i love the new title:-).

  2. Thanks Stacey for your comment :) Love your blog also! Have a wonderful weekend!!!

  3. Dear Jill,

    I am glad to see you are back. I too often checked back with you and had a pit in my stomach wondering if something had happened to you. The fact that you are back up and blogging is a wonderful thing. You had met me back when I just started and now I know how wonderful and supportive the blogging community is! My latest blog post is celebrating my anniversary. Do not feel you have to return the favor and comment. I understand. Every end is a new beginning and I hope the sun shines bright upon you the rest of this summer :) Much love and peace to you. XO, Kelly

  4. P.S. The Clean Slate is a great name :) Escape is not be be confused with reality and authenticity and that is something that people will commend you for!

  5. I just came across this post by you. What a raw and authentic expression of your "real" world. I won't say I know what it must feel like but I do know what it's like to go through stressful times and come out the other side....a changed person. This is a new start for you but sometimes we feel all alone during these moments in our lives. You are not alone. I know I'm reading this many months after your post but I'm sure you're still trying to fit into this new life. I just wanted to comment and let you know that it's important you feel proud of where you are today. Keep sharing your story because I'm sure many people find comfort in knowing they're not alone either. When we go through touch times and go out into the real world to see all those smiling faces just know they are just putting on happy faces--they too have struggles. Keep moving forward and growing. good luck to you!

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