I have a confession to make...
I haven't posted since the start of Memorial Day weekend...a post stating my holiday weekend plans...starting with the Sex in the City movie and ending with watching the Memorial Day parade on Monday... None of it ever materialized except for seeing Sex in the City 2 and then on Saturday morning we had one last fight which changed my life for ever. I left my husband after 23 years of marriage.
I had posted my plans, hoping that if I planned and wrote it all down as I wanted it to happen then it would materialize. More often than not, my weekend is gone without really doing much of anything... As a matter of fact, we have been in a survival mode for the past several years. Our family has endured a lot of stress over the past 7 or 8 years...the collapse of my husband's business, a horrific accident involving my 14 year olds hand when he was 9,which caused much conflict between my husband and I involving a lawsuit, much financial stress and the slow death of our once solid marriage.There has been no abuse or infedelity on either side, just two people who fell in love young at 19 and 24 years old... We have been in counseling for years, for both our marriage and individual therapy to try to get our lives back on track.
With my husband out of work for the past three years and my return to work full time,our daughter in college and 2 teen boys who will be going just around the corner, the stress level has been sky high to say the least. Our communication skills with each each other have never stellar but during these times of stress things had gotten so bad that we were avoiding each other in order to avoid conflict. Our home was no longer the happy safe haven it had once been and for years now I have grieving the loss of the marriage and man I once knew. I was constantly thinking that I could stick it out until my youngest child was out of high school which would be 4 more years.
I found myself feeling hopeless for our future and felt as though my husband was drowning and pulling me and my children under with him, and knew if I didn't do something....nothing was going to change. It has been the hardest thing I have ever done even though I am sure I have made the right decision.
I am a mixed bag of emotions....I feel strong and empowered, and that I am being true to myself for the first time in a long time....but at the same time scared loney, relieved, happy sad, and confused about how I ended up here... Mostly heartbroken for my children who are adjusting the best that they can with the help of a wonderful family and child therapist.
I felt before I could go on writing on my blog....I needed to let you all know. The focus of my blog before was all positive posts and posting favorites etsy products, websites or cool videos...I hadn't posted much about my life or family because I was going through such a difficult time. My blog was my escape. It will still be positive because I am generally not a negative person...but I'm sure I will be sharing a little more about my life since this is such a major change for me.
I've decided to change the name of my blog to...
I'm starting a new chapter in the book of life, and I know its not going to be easy...I can use all the support I can get so please feel free to give me advice or encouragement if you have been through sonething similar! Thanks and have a great day!
Please follow me at my new web address www.cleanslate.blogspot.com/